Death by Zah

Anybody who loves pizza knows its hard to get it fundamentally wrong. Sure we slam a lot of pizza places on here. That doesn’t mean we don’t like eating pizza at their place, it just means their pizza really sucks ass.

Aside from some really bottom of the barrel places that make you shit your pants while eating your second slice, not many people run into dangerous situations involving pizza. There is no sense of urgency that at any given moment, eating pizza could result in disastrous consequences. There really should be. Pizza is next level, and anytime you deal with something that intense, some next level shit is bound to happen to you.

Here’s five examples of people who messed with pizza and it got the better of them.

5. Food critic is a panzy who can’t hold his pizza.

http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/2007/01/food_critic_poisoned.php

Ok I will give this guy credit, there is something about eating reheated food that is out being breathed on all day that can make one worry about food born illness, but seriously? Pizza has been reheated for quite some time now and I can’t recall a single time when I have ever had to ferociously vomit or unload my drawers after a few slices. Either way, this guy did. He spent much of his evening hurling on I-95 and doing serious damage to his shitter, about 8 hours worth.

4. Idiot cop chokes on pizza while driving and wrecks a mailbox.

http://www.record-eagle.com/breakingnews/local_story_333145856.html

I can partially sympathize with this guy as I have eaten pizza on the open road more than once. On the other hand I think as an officer of the law, he set a terrible example for the pizza community. After blacking out while choking on a slice, this guy tanked his cruiser through a mailbox and ended up at the hospital for minor injuries. The real injury? He probably never finished that slice.

3. Deadbeat parent uses pizza as a weapon.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2071751/florida_girl_assaulted_with_pizza_slice.html?cat=9

What a total clown this guy must be. I hear it is really tough to get a job with a felony. This guy should probably check out slingin’ pie for dominos. It might be the only gig that pays minimum wage and utilizes his pizza throwing abilities. Apparently the man became frustrated and threw a piece of pizza at his daughter, striking her in the neck against her will. What a waste of pie.

2. Man gets beat furiously after woman cuts him in line for pizza.

http://www.newsnet5.com/news/4215140/detail.html

This is what is wrong with the world. This guy gets cut in line at a pizza shop and comments about it on his cell phone. In turn, the woman who cut in front of him proceeded to make a scene, spit in a managers face and call in her own personal muscle to kick the dudes ass. The dude who assaulted our pizzaless friend got four years in prison.

1. Pizza delivery man gets blown the fuck up.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,96109,00.html

Okay so this guy wasn’t eating pizza when he got rocked, but he was making a pizza delivery. Apparently this guy was on a pizza delivery and later ended up ‘robbing a bank’ with a bomb strapped to his neck. As bomb squad arrived he tried to convince them he had no part in the bomb and needed it removed. The police carefully waited for him to explode.