Sometimes I wonder if eating so much pizza is the right lifestyle decision.  One day I’d like to have kids, be a successfulm respectable adult, and turn into a crazy old grandpa that gets to yell everything on my mind at the top of my lungs.  ”Oh he’s just senile,” they’ll say as they hold doors open for me and my Rascal scooter.  Oh, and I’ve always dreamed of having several young men rush to my door to help me off the ground when “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

But I also love Pizza.  Yes, I capitalized it.  It is the food that makes me the happiest in the world.  I celebrate every joyous occasion in my life with pizza from the mundane to the extraordinary.  There is a Devils game on cable television tonight and to celebrate the rare occasion that I don’t have to watch hockey on a 640×480 resolution internet feed, I will consume an entire pizza of my choice.

However, some things I do not out of my desire to consume but instead I do less satisfying things in the hopes that this blog will one day become something bigger than just a small pizza blog with 80 hits a day.

Today I decided to see how well the kids at VCU are eating.   Their pizza, in particular.  You see, I graduated from VCU last year and I never ate too much of the pizza that was served throughout campus.  It can get pretty fucking bad I tell you, and if you’re a student then I probably don’t have to tell you.  On the Monroe Park campus I know of three places where pizza can be purchased with meal plans and dining dollars;  Shaffer Court dining center, The Commons and the first floor of Shaffer Court.

The Commons serves up this stuff called Bene Pizza.  I don’t know much about Bene other than how shitty the pizza was, and apparently still is horrible.  For $2.50 (plus tax) you can get a greasy, sloppy slice of pepperoni pizza.  You know that weird, addicting, McDonald’s-like sugary, oily taste that is greased all over Pizza Hut’s pizzas?  That what this thing has.  The aroma is oddly pleasant, but not in a desirable way at all.  The cheese sucks and the crust is even worse.  In fact, the crust ends look full, plump and full of chewy goodness inside.  Its all air!  You’re really only eating two sides of really flat, stale crust, separated by lots of oven air.  I remember only eating this shit when I had to…when Subway was closed and I had to spend the remnants of my parent’s dining dollars.

Now you have two choices when you’re in the Shaffer Court building.  Downstairs, they serve “New York” slices at Camille’s Sidewalk Cafe.  This stuff is a little better, with more legitimate crust that doesn’t flop all over the place.  Still kind of stale though.  Other than a slight sourdough flavor in the crust, there is a total lack of flavor in this pizza.  I noticed very little sauce and maybe that isn’t a bad thing seeing as it would probably make this pizza worse.  On the other hand, you’ll pay $2.99 for a slice of cheese pizza, which is a complete rip off.  But then again, so is college.

Now upstairs in the same building you can swipe yourself in (if you don’t have meal swipes, I think it costs around $8 to access the all you can eat buffets they have) and pig out on some more shitty pizza.  This stuff tastes more like CiCi, except has the characteristics of a frozen pizza.  Only my mouth knows what those characteristics are but my mouth can’t type.  It’s sort of a really uniform crust with no unique spots.  Not necessarily a bad thing, I happen to love frozen pizza, but the meal swipes are so expensive I feel like the school just cuts corners any way they can to maximize profit.  Good idea from a business stand point, but once I’m done with them no one will eat their pizza ever again!

God, after eating all this shit, I really don’t feel like ordering a pizza for the game.  You see the things I do for you people?  I bet you aren’t even really reading this!

The legend Marty Brodeur and the red Devils visit 1st place Buffalo and their unstoppable goalie Ryan Miller tonight at 7pm on Versus.  Check out my favorite hockey blog In Lou We Trust for post game analysis if you’re interested.