Why can’t this be every movie, ever?

Pizza Boomerang

New ‘za in Carytown?

BlowToad?  What tha…

Just a passing rumor or what?  Prediction: The spot is a cursed stain of bad ideas and they’re off to a bad start.  FAIL!

Tarrantinos vs Bruins

The large pie is finally on point. Tarrants added a a sit down area to their pizza operation as well as a TV and full wait staff. We stopped in for a few slices, some $6 beers *ahem* bullshit *ahem* and the Devils / Bruins game. The best part is you can roll in like real deal pizza riff raff and not have to deal with all the schmoozy Tarrants crowd. I’d say mission accomplished.

Pamparius year in review

So folks, this year was full of ups, downs, lefts, browns, whites and devils. I spent a year living in New York and I still think 8 1/2 Pizza is the best shit in the world.  There must’ve been at least six or seven trips made down to Richmond that involved a red pie, a bottle of lager and Scuffletown park with a friend or just all by myself.

Hands down, best pie in 2011 – 8 1/2 Pizza on Strawberry St., Richmond, VA

Red pie with anchovy.

2011 also marked the return of Turbonegro and the introduction of Turbojugend Richmond.

Our favorite denim demons (and a little tweed) reformed and put their foots on American soil very briefly, playing just over an hour at Santos Party House in NYC, a show that brought Jugends from all over the country together to party til the end of the world.  While some may scoff at the absence of Hank, we got the next best thing.  I can’t think of anyone that would be a better fit for Turbo than Tony Sylvester.  More balls, less sass.

Whether I live in this little city or not, I’ll always call it home.  That’s why myself, along with some friends decided to officially put together a Jugend chapter for Richmond, VA.  There are rules we all must follow which mainly include getting fucked up and listening to Turbo every 77 days.  If it were up to us it would be every seven days.

Favorite place to dine for some ‘za?  Easy.  Roberta’s in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

It is extremely rare to go to a restaurant and actually hope that the wait is long.  The vibes are great, the pizza kills and the backyard bar is the perfect place to drink Modelo with friends while you wait to be seated.  The place started small but keeps blowing the fuck up every time I go back.  You’d think that the filthy location would keep people away.  Nah ah!  You can regularly expect to wait over and hour on any weeknight, much more on the weekends.

The Turbonegro show was most excellent, but the show of the year award goes to Kvelertak, Skeletonwitch, Tombs and Psychic Limb.  First of all, Kvelertak’s debut finally getting a proper US release means that they officially have the most amazing album of the year.  Second, seeing them tear shit up (literally) with Skeletonwitch on a boat circling Manhattan is enough excitement to give G.G. Allin a post-mortem boner.

sums it all up

I’d be surprised is 2012 can top this.  Fuck off!

Don’t let this happen to you

Happy holidays

Pizza Babe

@Black Hand Coffee

Free Pizza

A year later and there’s still ‘za in my mouth

Tarrantino’s.

How many times have we met?  How many more times will we spend an evening together.  Salty is your dough.  Salacious even.  Your oily cheese and mediocre sauce sends my mind reeling through years passed, of nights with bros and pups.  Many a time has your minuscule palette of flavor been sent through a toaster oven, floors populated with the remnants of your brothers.  You even serve us well in a microwave the following day.  The silty residue has been left permanent on our fingertips.  We love you.

And my how you’ve aged.  You’re even better than I remember.  Like an expensive Italian cabernet or a titilating NFL sideline broadcaster.  We’ve matured and you’ve matured gracefully.

And paired with a Hardywood Singel you’re in for a few moments of bliss, best enjoyed alone.

Eat Box

It’s no surprise that we are obnoxious and ridiculous. It is also no surprise that some outsiders carry our pizza opinions with little weight. Granted they have reason.

When you’re watching TV and you see an ad for food that you know is bad for you, the first thing you should do is pick up the phone or get in the car and find and consume it as quickly as humanly possible. If you haven’t seen Pizza Hut’s “Big Dinner Box,” then my friends, you probably aren’t a total piece of shit. See link for reference. 5,000 calories for $20. Not bad. Two pizzas, breadsticks and chicken wings.

Who would have thought these things would be flying off shelves. Every time we went to order one we were sorely informed they had sold out of dough. Really? Sold out of dough? Apparently pizza hut makes their breadsticks fresh every day. I decided we didn’t need any shitty breadsticks but out of principle we should be compensated for the lack of a mediocre dinner side.

I called in, demanded the box, fabricated a setting of hungry children and angry football buddies that was believable enough to negotiate 2 medium pies, 14 wings and a 2 liter for the same price as the box. That’s an additional 6 wings and a 2 liter but no breadsticks. In addition, you don’t get the sweet fucking box that it comes in. It’s the details that make the difference. In any case, this would not be the only time I swindled a disgusting dinner deal at the expense of the poor local Pizza Hut manager.

Quick recap

1. Ask for “The Box”

2. They will say they don’t have any.

3. Say you have to have it because you have screaming kids and you’ve seen the commercial every 15 minutes.

4. Create your ideal bundled meal as close to “The Box” as possible and demand it cost $20. Use terms like “sweeten the deal” to drive your point home.

5. Get your food and eat every last bite knowing you may or may not have a heart attack or some other life threatening pain that comes with eating something so manufactured.